When Convictions Clash.

If you have your Bibles and you want to pull them open, we're going to be in Acts chapter 15 today. We're talking about fights today, so it's going to get good. Acts chapter 15, the disagreement, the famous disagreement between Paul and Barnabas, starting in verse 36.

The towns where we preach the word of the Lord and see how they are doing. Paul and Barnabas wanted to take John Mark with them, also called Mark. But Paul did not think it was wise to take him because he, referring to John Mark, had deserted them in Pamphylia and had not continued with them. Barnabas took Mark and sailed for Cyprus. But Paul chose Silas and left, strengthening the churches.

Acts 15:36-39

Let us pray today. Heavenly Father, we thank you so much for your word that is alive and active. We thank you for the stories, for the things that you want to speak to us, ways that you want to draw us closer to you. Have your way in this space. Speak through your text, through your word. It's in Jesus' name we pray. Amen.

So here we are picking up a conflict between Paul and Barnabas where they both had very different opinions. If I say it out loud, it might get me in trouble. Does anyone else feel like that sometimes?

One of my minor ones, and I'll blame my brother and sister-in-law on this too, is I feel like we would all say that Qdoba is better than Chipotle. That's one of those things where if I'm honest, I think the only thing I like on the menu is just some guac. I know some of you are clapping. You're like, with me a little guac. That's the only thing I like on the menu. And I know some faces you're like, what? What's happened? Chipotle is the best. I'm like, I'm going to keep my mouth shut because if I say how I really feel, we might have some conflict in this room.

Conflict is something that we cannot avoid in life. Has anyone made it in life without conflict with another person? Maybe baby Simon in the back. He's kind of raising his hand at me as I say this. Maybe if you're like a few weeks old, you've avoided conflict, but unless you're that little, you can't avoid it.

Conflict is something that happens in life. We're going to experience it at home, in the workplace, with coworkers, with friends, even as we read today in the church. As we come together to preach the gospel and to live on mission for Jesus, conflict even there can happen.

A conflict over mission

So what's happening right now in the story where we're picking up? We have Paul and Barnabas, and they have just completed what is often referred to in scripture as the first missionary journey. Paul and Barnabas were on many missionary journeys, and this first one was right around AD 47, where they had traveled from Antioch to Syria, sailed to Cyprus, then to Galatia, which is now modern-day Turkey. They had bonded because they were on mission together, planting churches in four different Roman provinces: Galatia, Macedonia, Achaia, and Asia. And now this is about ten years later. Paul is saying, let's go check in on the churches that we planted. Let's go see our friends. Let's see what the Lord is doing.

So here we start to see this conflict happen. Our theme for today is lengthy, but I couldn't decide. Life is too short and the gospel is too big to let conflict keep us from Christ's mission. We can't avoid conflict, but we can grow in our ability to handle it and hand it over to Jesus.

Can you all say we can't avoid conflict, but we can grow in our ability? I want us to remember that today. We can't avoid conflict, but we can grow in our ability of how we hand it over to Jesus.

So they have two different views on the mission. Paul and Barnabas both want to continue on the mission and preach the gospel. The conflict is starting to come up over who's going to be on the team. They're referencing here in Acts 13:13 that on their first journey, John Mark left them. He dipped out. He was a part of one of their journeys and he's like, okay, bye, I'm done. He left.

So when Barnabas is like, hey Paul, you know John Mark, I want to bring him along, Paul is like, absolutely not. He left us. He betrayed us. He abandoned us. There's no way. He doesn't have what it takes.

And we start to see the two different leadership styles come to the surface. We have Barnabas, who the first time he's mentioned in the beginning chapters of Acts, it's about him giving generously of his field. He's known as this encourager, someone that gives courage to people. So he's like, come on, let's disciple him. Let's bring him back in. Give him a second chance.

And then you have Paul, who is about principle and integrity. He's like, uh-uh, he's not the kind of person like him around. That's kind of what's happening here. We see that God cares a lot about integrity. He cares a lot about us being serious about the mission of the gospel. And he's encouraging and gives second chances and has grace. Both exist.

So we're seeing these two different things come to light. It's hard to say what's wrong. Paul takes this so seriously that he's like, hey, we can't. We're going out and we're expanding the mission of the gospel. This is all that we as a church today care about. Jesus, you know, sure. But they've lived so many years where they realized this could be it. They got one more day to spread the gospel. They had such urgency about sharing the gospel. They had to be serious about this.

Understanding the root of conflict

When it comes to conflict, we have to understand the root before we react. It says that this was a sharp disagreement. This word in the Greek is defined as a sharp disagreement. It's defined as like a flare of emotions and outbursts of passionate contention. So it wasn't this mild, like, hmm, should we flip a coin? You go this way, I go that way. It's saying like there was this emotional response, this sharp disagreement. But it was conviction clashing against conviction. They both were so passionately convicted on how to share the message of the gospel.

So we have to understand here that this was not a simple thing. I think it's important for us to recognize that having emotional responses to things are not bad. But we need to be people that let our emotions tell us more of what's going on inside and what we're so convicted about, rather than letting our emotions lead our conflicts.

I can't help but think, what if they would have taken a moment to be like, am I so passionate about this right now? Maybe they could have named it. It's because Paul's like, I take this so seriously. I know that this guy's your cousin because John Mark was his cousin. I know he's your family, but like this is too big of a deal. I'm afraid he's going to bail again.

That's probably some of the underlying roots. I haven't spoken to Paul personally, but I can imagine some of this underlying stuff here, like, he's probably afraid. This guy left us once. Is he going to leave us again? I don't want to get all the way there and then he bails and now we could have brought someone else.

Imagine if he would have felt the feelings and let them lead him to what was really happening, rather than being led by this emotional response.

And the same for Barnabas. What if he would have taken a moment to be like, man, I really value second chances. I really value us forgiving people and giving them another try and grace and courage. I think that we could really disciple this guy.

Imagine the difference that would have happened. But what we see is that even in their differences, as they head in different directions, God uses that to expand his kingdom, which is also a reminder for us that in our differences, even when sometimes we separate, God can still use that and redeem that.

When I look at this and I look at their leadership style, I see this like a launching pad for Paul. Like we plant a church, we leave, we go, go, go. And Barnabas is like, no, no, no. This is a place where we stay and we disciple and develop leaders and all of this. Both are good, but they're different.

So we have to understand when we're addressing conflict. What is the root of the disagreement before we react? What are we really conflicted about in these moments? Let your feelings lead you to that rather than your feelings lead you to these emotional responses.

The gift of our differences

The next thing is understand the gift of your differences before you just draw these hard lines. We have Paul, who's very mission-driven in this moment. He's driven by integrity. He's focused on not wanting to be betrayed again. And then Barnabas, who's the people-driven encouragement. So their disagreement is highlighting their differences, but both, if we let them, can be really good for the church and community.

I think for all of us today to think, what are those things where it's like, man, the Lord has given me eyes to see this. I'm super passionate about this. Maybe you're like Paul and you're like, yeah, lack of integrity is really hard for me. If I've seen someone not follow through, it's hard for me to trust. Rather than letting that make you someone who doesn't trust people or doesn't give second chances, take time with the Holy Spirit to say, okay, what is the uniqueness about the things that you have opened my eyes to see, that you have allowed my heart to feel? How are these things rooted in your image, Lord? And how are you inviting me to bear it?

When we have disagreements, we can either draw hard lines that lead to division, or we can sometimes just embrace the change of direction but still honor each other's humanity in the process. I think another option, which we're going to continue to see happen as you read throughout scripture, is recognizing that our differences can actually make us better together.

If we only focus on how the other person is different than us in the way that they worship or express themselves, that's where we see division start to happen rather than the unity of us coming together as different parts of the body.

I think for us as a church, if you go to a church down the street, their worship probably sounded different today. They're not preaching out of the same passage. They're not expressing their worship in the same way. But not all things that are different means that it has to be divisive or bad. We are part of the greater church where we all represent different pieces of who God is and how his love is going to be shown.

We can either focus on our differences and make it divisive, or we can see them as a gift and say, God, how are you asking me to use this unique gift that you have for me?

I think of it when we have worship and a band come together. We have Melissa on the drums, who's loud and she's pounding. And then you have Elaine on the keys, who's playing these dainty little melodies. Sometimes she gets loud too, but they're different. You could be like, oh my gosh, we can't have loud banging on a drum when we have this melody over here. But when it comes together, it creates something beautiful. It can honor God when we don't see our gifts as things that have to divide us, but we can celebrate those different expressions of how we go about the mission that God has before us.

Understanding the role we play

I want to talk about this as a framework. It's not like the framework of how to define relationships by any means, but one of the things that is interesting for us when it comes to any relationship outside of a romantic relationship is that we don't always like define things or know how to define things.

When you're dating someone, it's like maybe you meet someone and you're kind of like, oh, we're talking, we're getting to know each other. Then there's a space where it's like usually there's a conversation of like, are we exclusive? What are we doing here? What's happening? Then eventually you start to have more like legal commitments where you might get married and that happens. Now it's very clear of like what my role is in this relationship.

So when it comes to romantic relationships, we kind of have that. But for whatever reason, when it comes to friendships and other relationships, we don't know how to go about it. This idea of looking at the voices of value and thinking, okay, the people in my life that I find myself at conflict with. If I understand the role that they play in my life and the role I play in theirs, that could help in how we manage this conflict.

Examples of this is the voice of value. Is this a person, a voice of value in my life? Is this mutual? We share mutual values? Or is this someone that I'm a voice of value in their life?

There's sometimes for all of us, we need people in our life where they're the ones pouring into us. These are mentors. Sometimes this could even be like a boss or a leader. If you're at conflict and your boss is like, hey, you got to do this thing, and you're like, I don't want to do it. You kind of just got to do it, right? That's how the world works. You can't sit there and be like, well, I disagree, so I'm doing my own project. You got to do what they said.

You share mutual value like you have the same values. This is like those iron sharpening iron relationships where it's like we're friends, we're peers, we get each other, we're with each other. And then there's this third category. Are you a voice of value in their life? Is this someone that God has placed in your life to invest into, to care for?

I say this today because I think that even in this conflict that we read about, we kind of see this happening. Paul and Barnabas are seeing each other as brothers. They're like, we are brothers. We are on mission together. And then Barnabas is like, come on, let's bring John Mark back into the picture. Paul's like, absolutely not.

I think if Paul could have seen him as someone that he was investing in and someone he was discipling and someone he was pouring into, like Barnabas did, this could have looked very different. But Paul had these expectations of him that just weren't reality in that moment.

For all of us, communicating our expectations clearly to the people in our lives is one of the biggest ways that we can work through conflict. Even in friendships and as a church community, we should be mindful of and leaning into saying, hey, like what role God are you asking me to play in this person's life? And not holding everyone around us to an expectation that maybe they didn't know they committed to.

When we have to part ways

Parting ways with people is painful. This is no small thing. There are many different reasons. But what we don't often realize is when we're like, okay, I guess this friendship is growing distant. What does that mean? I thought we were headed in the same direction and now we're not. This could be drifting. There's something painful that happens when you realize we're not on the same page anymore.

There's a psychological and emotional thing that happens with us. When we are parting from a friendship or relationship that we felt safe in, there is something chemically that happens in our brains where we're going through this withdrawal. It's important for us to think through it like this because otherwise, if we don't understand what's happening with us emotionally and why we're feeling what we're feeling, that's where you see sharp disagreements where all of a sudden, it's like, I don't know exactly how sharp it was for Paul and Barnabas, but I imagine like a screaming match. What do you mean? What's happening here? It was this painful moment that maybe didn't have to be so painful if there was some understanding of like, okay, if we're parting ways, this is going to be hard. And here's why it's going to be hard.

Maybe for some of you, if you're thinking of friendships that you've had conflict with or things that you've had to part ways, there is a neurochemical withdrawal that happens. In a lot of ways, it can be similar to anything that you've grown dependent on because you've grown dependent on this relationship and this person. There is an emotional attachment that you have to now work through. There's grief, there's loss that happens there, there's fear of the unknown.

This is why so many people sometimes stay in even friendships with people that we're like, man, I know that we're no longer in the same place, but I'm not willing to walk away because I've grown so dependent and I'm so afraid of like, what's going to happen if this friendship is no longer in my life.

If we can continue to go and to pause and say, okay, God, is this a relationship right now that you're asking me to invest in? Are you saying I want you to be a voice of value in their life? And maybe for some of you, it is. As you grow and start to follow Jesus, you're surrounded with people that aren't headed in this direction. Sometimes a go-to can be saying, okay, maybe things have shifted. I don't think we're not friends. But to, am I supposed to be investing in your life and praying for you and change? And how can we continue to grow in that?

But Barnabas, they're experiencing this. They're experiencing the hurt of stepping away when it's necessary. They knew like, hey, we can't. We're not on the same page anymore. But they were both so centered on being on mission for God and expanding the gospel that the only answer came to them saying, okay, we have to part ways in order to do this.

Is your conflict centered on the gospel?

The core of the conflict was they both had different ideas of how to preach and live out the gospel. That's what they were fighting about. That was the disagreement. That was the conflict that they were so heated about.

And I think if I'm honest in some of the day-to-day conflicts that I've faced in my life, I'm like, I don't know if I could say it was all because of the gospel, right? Normally it's like this person hurt me or they did this or they did that. The conflict is like, I feel rejected. But this was a gospel-centered conflict.

The question I want to ask today is, is our conflict centered around how we follow and preach the gospel? And if not, then the next question is, is our life centered around how we live and preach the gospel?

Paul and Barnabas had such mission-centered lives. Such mission-centered lives. When we stay on mission, all of a sudden we realize that just about everything else in life does not matter.

I've been reading through Ecclesiastes a lot lately. And if you haven't read through it, read through it. Almost everything in the chapter you get to the end and it's like it's meaningless, it's meaningless. That thing you really value, meaningless. That other thing you thought was important, meaningless. It continues to just get your heart back in this space of just, like, it's Jesus, it's Jesus, it's Jesus, it's Jesus. And if it's not Jesus, it is meaningless.

Their lives were centered on mission for Jesus. Their conflicts then were all about Jesus and their differences and how they preached and lived for Jesus.

This is one of the things that the Lord has had to work on my heart over and over again as I continue to follow. When I'm honest with myself and looking of like, okay, why do I feel hurt or at conflict about these things? And how much of it is me? How much of it is temporary? And how much of it is eternal?

Because the reality is as a pastor, I invest a lot into people. I spend time with people. So you just kind of do the math and you're like, well, the more people and relationships, the more your chances go up of being hurt, right? Your chances go up of like people bailing on you or people rejecting you.

I've had so many moments in my life where I can stop and I can be like, oh my gosh, like this is the conflict. Why is this happening? And then in that, like the Holy Spirit time and time again reminds me, is this temporary or is this eternal? Is this something that's giving you more comfort? Are you so conflicted over like being comfortable in this and that? Or is it my kingdom? What is it? Is the conflict that we're facing with people about advancing the kingdom or not?

But here's the thing. Paul and Barnabas, like this was not a small thing. This was not easy, but they eventually had to come to a place where they're like, okay, we both have these convictions that are conflicting. So we're going to part ways. And in that God continued to move.

But I want to just highlight some of the places they'd been together. We read about it in Acts 13:1-3. The church at Antioch had prophets and teachers. Barnabas, Simon called Niger, Lucius of Cyrene, and Saul. After fasting and praying, they were sent off together like iron sharpening iron in this together.

And Acts 14:21-22 says:

They preached the gospel in that city and won a large number of disciples. Then they returned to Lystra, Iconium, and Antioch, strengthening the disciples and encouraging them to remain true to the faith. We must go through many hardships to enter the kingdom of God, they said.

Acts 14:21-22

They've had high highs and they've had low lows together. They've celebrated and they've grieved. Every area of their life was mission-centered. Even their conflicts were mission-centered.

But when we talk about conflict and being gospel-centered, I want us to take a moment to contextualize this for us. For them, they're living in a moment where they're like, okay, Jesus is coming back any day. There's this urgency. Which like we should still live with an urgency to share the gospel. But they're living with this, like everything they do is preaching, preaching, preaching.

A lot of it was like preaching in this sense where they would be in front of people. They'd be sharing the gospel with their words to crowds and to large numbers and starting churches. What is preaching the gospel and living the gospel look like in your life, in your setting? Because I'm not saying here today that the only conflict that is like holy conflict and good conflict and that we should care about is necessarily like preaching with words in front of a crowd.

I want you to think of what does it look like for you in your daily life to preach and live out the gospel? Some of the conflicts we might run into is how to love and care for our neighbors. We're seeing that even as you turn on the news and there's so many different things happening. You might get in conflict about what's the best way to care for people. You might get in conflict about walking in integrity and what that looks like. Conflict about how we use our words and gossip or to not gossip. How you handle things like alcohol and finances. These are all ways that we preach and we live our lives.

The principles are the same because our entire life is preaching something to someone. The first question is always, are we preaching Jesus or not? But we are preaching. We are leading people somewhere in the way that we talk, in the way that we handle our finances, in the way that we love our neighbors and do all of those things.

Acts 1:8 says:

You will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you. You will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth.

Acts 1:8

A witness is the word I want you to highlight there. 2 Corinthians 5:20 says:

We are therefore Christ's ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us. We implore you on Christ's behalf, be reconciled to God.

2 Corinthians 5:20

The word there I want you to think about is ambassador. This is who we're called to be. Witnesses. Someone that testifies of the truth of Jesus. Being a witness is not just doing what I'm doing here on a Sunday. Being a witness is how you show up to your job. How you show up in your relationships. Maybe even how you forgive people that you're in conflict with.

An ambassador represents another place to another population of people. Comes with an authority to represent that place or that person. We are ambassadors of Christ. We are sent with an authority to represent Christ and to speak and live on his behalf. Are we getting the weight of this? Sometimes where you're like, we really need the Holy Spirit. We really need Jesus. Like this is a lot.

But with Jesus, he gives us like what that looks like. Some of the things that we need to continue to come back to is, how does my everyday life preach the gospel? And then when I'm in conflict with people, to kind of compare of being like, is this a gospel-centered conflict? Is this eternal or is this temporary?

Reconciliation and redemption

Years later we read that Paul, who wrote most of the New Testament, because in Acts we're reading about these journeys and then we get to read a lot of his letters to the churches. We get to put all these puzzle pieces together.

In 1 Corinthians 9:6, he talks about Barnabas as a fellow worker. Then he later commends John Mark in Colossians 4:10, and then again in 2 Timothy 4:11, he references him as a helper in the ministry.

So later, these people that in this heated moment Paul's like, absolutely not. That guy is not going to be a part of what we're doing. I'm sorry, Barnabas, but I can't get on the same page with you. So we have to go in different directions. They changed directions. Paul changed his direction again. Barnabas changed his direction again.

And at some point they were able to not take it so personally that they didn't see the person, the humanity in the other one in front of them. But something happened in them where they were able to take this conflict to Jesus and to trust the Lord that he was going to work it out. It's not their job to make sure everybody's on the same page or understands, but to stay focused on the mission while leaving room for reconciliation to happen. Because those are the things where you're like, only Jesus.

That's why I put it there in our so what. It's like, life is too short. The gospel is too important for us to let bitterness and brokenness and conflict stand in the way of what God wants to do.

Now as I say that, I can even feel it. It doesn't mean that like when people say hard things to your friends that you maybe grew up with and we're like we were on mission and now we're not and like I don't even know if you love Jesus anymore. Like that is painful and that is hard. We're not going to avoid these conflicts, but we can continue to come back and grow in our ability of how are we handling these things and how ultimately are we handing it over to Jesus.

Closing invitation

So these are some of the questions I want us to process today.

The first is continue to ask Jesus to help you see people, not just problems. Recognize and I love that even in the songs we sang today, you take what the enemy meant for evil and you turn it for good. There are going to be moments that happen that are really painful. The enemy's going to have a plan for that and how he wants to use it to divide us. But God always has a better plan of how he wants to redeem it and how he wants to restore it.

Part of that is for us just to say, Jesus, will you help me to see this person and how you see them. When I'm in conflict, and not just focus on the problem or not just focus on the pain.

Don't take it personally. Take it to Jesus. That one's intentional. I'm so mad at this person. I cannot believe they just said this or they did that. Take it personally. But how can I take it to Jesus? Let it to keep me weighed down in this moment. But how can I take it to Jesus? Over and over again.

And just that reminder, that change of direction doesn't always have to mean that we draw these hard lines. We can always leave room for reconciliation. Life is too short. The gospel is too big.

So here's what I want to do today. I want to invite you to stand, and we're just going to take a moment. I'm just going to kind of lead us in a moment of reflective prayer. As I think about just the center of this today in this text of seeing, again, the conflict happened because they were both so passionately living on mission for Jesus.

So when it came that it was like my brother's not seeing eye to eye with me, they knew like I might need to step away from this relationship, but I can't step away from the call that God has on my life.

So I want to give us a moment today to first just say, and if you want to close your eyes and just take a moment. If you're here and you're like man, I think the first thing is like I just need to say Lord, would you help me live on mission for you again? My conflict has to do with a whole lot of other things. My conflict is not storing up treasures in heaven. And if that's you today, I want to invite you to take a moment and say, Holy Spirit, would you show me any ways that my entire life is not centered around you? And would you show me like what do I need to set aside? What do I need to lay down?

So Holy Spirit, would you come and would you speak to us today?

The next thing is just rooted in this reality that at some point Paul and Barnabas were able to see each other as people again and not just the pain and the problem. And so I just want to invite you to take a moment that if you're here today and maybe there is someone that you're like, man, I'm in conflict with or this person has hurt me. There's unforgiveness. There's bitterness. These are our moments when we come together to have these honest conversations.

I just want to invite you, if you're at conflict, would you just ask the Holy Spirit to show you how to see this person right now? So Holy Spirit, would you come and would you help us to see people and to choose to see people over self-protection, over our pride? Lord, would you help us to see the people who have hurt us, that have rejected us, that have caused us pain? Show us how you see them, Holy Spirit.

And then finally, the last prompting I have is for us to consider how are we making it personal? And invite the Holy Spirit to give you eternal perspective. So Holy Spirit, would you come right now and would you show us any way that we are taking things personally? And would you help us to take that to the foot of the cross today?

So I just want to invite you for this moment. Would you just surrender? I think a piece of that could be naming of like God, yeah, I'm struggling to see eye to eye with this person. And then take it to Jesus and say, but I surrender. Name maybe the pain of the hurt that has happened and then say, Jesus, I surrender.

So Holy Spirit, would you come and would you show us just any ways that we're taking these personal? And would you give us that eternal perspective?

Holy Spirit, would you come? God, I just pray that as we leave this place today, that there would just be this freedom and this joy and just this lightness as we continue to just lay things down before you and recognizing that you are the one that we're living for. For your kingdom, for your glory, for all of eternity.

And recognizing that although there's going to be conflict and there's going to be consequences from that and pain and brokenness, Lord, would you help us to not be people that dwell on that, but rather are quick to forgive and are quick to look to you as our source of life, as our source of joy?

God, would we live from this place of knowing that we are so loved by you. That you are worth living for. That you are worth laying things down for over and over again.

And so even in the pain of conflict, Lord, would you continue to help us to grow in how we just surrender it to you? Knowing that it's yours to handle. It's yours to work out. And that this life is too short to not live our days fully surrendered to the things that you have before us.

And so I just pray would your Holy Spirit empower every single person in this room as we head in to our Sunday afternoons and our Monday mornings. Knowing the places that we're entering in, that you are with us. That you have a plan for us. That you have a purpose for us. And that you are with us.

And so we thank you, Jesus. We ask all this in your name. Amen.