Lament Prayer (Praying through pain).

Let me go ahead and get started with the message for today. Today is week three of our sermon series here at the church on prayer and fasting.

If you've been around New Culture for a minute now, you might be like, oh, we're doing this again. We start our year out every year doing prayer and fasting. And it's a really special time for our church, every single time. And you literally can't learn enough about prayer. So we like to take every opportunity we can to continue in that rhythm.

This is week three. So our first week, I taught us online on New Year's Day. Last week, I talked to us about why we don't pray and some of those core reasons that stop us from coming to God in prayer. I also encouraged us in listening prayer and what it looks like to sit and to hear the voice of God in prayer. Today, I get to talk about a form of prayer that is very near and dear to my heart, and I'm really excited to get to be teaching on it.

Praying Through Pain

But today, we're going to be talking about praying through pain. So today, we're going to be talking about a type of prayer called lament. Lament. So how do I pray when my heart is broken? And how do you pray when you're angry?

And how do you pray when you're mourning? How do you pray when grief and sorrow are what you feel? How do you pray when you're disappointed? I'll be super, super transparent. This sermon doesn't end with how God moves and changes our circumstances. This isn't about how God does crazy, miraculous things that we can see and feel and touch. This doesn't end with how we come to God in prayer, and he answers that prayer by changing what's happening in our lives. This sermon really ends with the promise that God will wipe those tears from your eyes, even if today you're still crying. And it ends with the promise that your tears will be wiped away, even if all you can do today is continue to weep.

Our so what and our now what for today, our so what is prayer is where we find God in the midst of our pain. Prayer is where we find God in the midst of our pain. And our now what today is be honest in prayer. Be honest in prayer.

Understanding Lament

So like I mentioned, today we're going to be talking about a specific kind of prayer called lament, and maybe you've been in the churchy world long enough that you've heard that word or you recognize it. Maybe you're like, hey, there's a book in the Bible called Lamentations. There is the whole book about lament. But maybe you don't really have context for it, or you're not fully sure what it means. And I think it's really important. So I want to break it down as clearly as I can.

So lament is defined as a passionate expression of grief or sorrow. Lament is to express someone's deep grief, to express regret or disappointment. Lament is defined as a passionate expression of grief or sorrow, to express someone's deep grief, to express regret or disappointment. So lament is not in and of itself grief or disappointment or deep sorrow. It is the expression of those things. And here's why lament matters so much.

Because we live in the tension between two gardens. You see, the Bible is really special. I love the Bible. God is cool the way that the Holy Spirit inspired it. It begins and ends in the same setting. It begins in the Garden of Eden. And it's in the Garden of Eden that brokenness enters the world. And then the Bible ends in a different garden that Revelation talks about, where everything is restored and everything is made new and there's no more pain and there's no more sorrow and there's no more suffering. But we're still in the middle. We're between these two gardens.

Brokenness is still a part of our everyday lives. And as long as we are in the tension between what God is doing and what the enemy has done, we're going to experience pain and we're going to have to learn how to bring that to God. And as long as our lives are full of beauty, joy, and goodness, because we're so fortunate, we have such a good God that we get to experience beauty, joy, and goodness. But our lives are also full of pain, sorrow, and mourning. And as long as our lives have both, lament is how we wrestle with the tension of that.

Lament is how we wrestle with the tension. True lament is to honestly wrestle with the reality of the disappointments, the pain, and the weight of this life, and the truth of a good God who can be nothing but good. Lament is a couple of different things, and one of those things that I want to highlight today is that lament is a form of praise. Lament is a form of praise. And maybe this sounds a little weird that lament is a form of praise, especially because if I define lament, excuse me, if I define praise, praise is defined as an expression of approval, admiration, and gratitude. But lament is an expression of disappointment.

So this is seemingly a paradox. Lament and praise feel like two opposing truths. To understand lament as a form of praise, we have to address what lament is not. Lament is not an attack on the character of God. Lament is an appeal to God based on our confidence in his character. Lament is the act of saying, God, I am in pain, but I know who you are.

Lament in its truest form ends with this. There I will go to the altar of God, to God, the source of all my joy. I will praise you with my heart, oh God, my God. Why am I discouraged? Why is my heart so sad? I will put my hope in God. I will praise him again, my savior and my God. It is to say, Lord, this mountain is huge. That's real. That's an honest truth that you are experiencing.

Lament puts God back on the throne in our hearts. Remember that lament is the expression of disappointment grief and deep sorrow. These feelings, when they're unexpressed, they fester. And with or without us realizing it, those feelings start to take the place of God in our hearts and our minds. How do you know that something has taken the place of God in your life? It's all you think about. It's the most common recurring thought in your mind. If a circumstance in your life has become God in your life, you probably cannot stop thinking about it. You cannot stop worrying about it. And that worry, that obsession over it, you're worshiping it.

And lament says, God, here's this thing, but you're still God. And it acknowledges the gravity of your situation and it puts it next to the magnitude of your God.

Lament as a Sign of Relationship

Lament is a form of praise because it acknowledges your pain and then it points to the goodness of God. Lament is also proof of relationship. It's proof of deep and honest relationship. Babies cry. I don't know if you knew that. Babies cry. It's a thing that they do. I worked in child care for a really long time, for nine years actually. And my last year in child care, I worked with infants.

So babies cry. They cry a lot. And it's their primary way of expressing need. They don't have words. They don't have a way to express themselves. So they cry. Here's the thing, though. Babies who have experienced neglect do not cry, not because they never need anything but because they have learned that no one cares enough to answer. Children who are confident in the love of a caregiver cry. For the Christian, our lament when taken to our Father in heaven is proof of our relationship with God, our connection to a great caregiver. Lament is proof that we trust our father.

Lament is proof that we understand that there's someone who can meet our needs, and if we cry, he will come and answer.

Lament is also a pathway to intimacy. You don't share everything with everyone, and maybe you do, and if you do, just a little piece of pastoral advice, stop doing that. You don't share everything with everyone. There's a level of vulnerability that is reserved for your most intimate relationships. Lament is a really vulnerable place. Because it's the place not only where we're bringing God our pain and suffering, it's a place we have to face our pain and suffering. It's all about taking all the ick and pain and disappointment and putting it out in the open. And it's this act of honesty, even if it's not pretty, that opens us up to intimacy with God.

I think we can see that in our person-to-person relationships, that whoever in your mind is your most intimate relationship probably is the person who has seen the worst of you and has loved you anyways. And that same thing is true of God. And lament is a pathway and prayer that brings us into that intimacy, is that ability to be fully raw, fully honest, even when it's really ugly. With the promise that God does not reject us.

Lament Is Prayer, Not Venting

Lament, I think sometimes when we talk about lament or when we hear about lament, we kind of look at it or we even teach it as like this is your moment to be a two-year-old and stomp your feet and throw a tantrum with God. This is your moment to just ah and call it a day. But here's the thing about lament. Lament is powerful because lament is not just expressing that I'm upset. Lament is prayer for God to act. Lament in the Bible is not simply an outlet for our frustrations.

Lament is not venting. Venting, by definition, is spitting stuff out and nothing happens, but you let everything out. That's how a vent works, right? It lets all the air out. Lament is not venting. Lament is a prayer. And prayer is not passive. If there's nothing else you take away from a sermon series on prayer, it is that prayer is not passive.

Many of the laments in the Psalms are calls to action. They plead with God to pay attention to them and act on their behalf. Actually, a lot of Old Testament scholars define lament. They'll even say that it is not a lament if it does not have a call to action. Because part of lament is saying, God, move on my behalf.

Old Testament scholars identify petition. So asking God for something as an essential element of a lament. The psalmist appeals to God's character and covenant and ask for his attention and action. The very beginning of that psalm we read earlier, which is a classic lament psalm, says, declare me innocent, oh God. It opens by saying, God, intervene on my behalf. Defend me against these ungodly people. Rescue me from these unjust liars. I don't know if y'all ever prayed that, but I have. Amen.

Lament is a prayer for God to act. Lament in scripture is also addressed directly to God. So another quick thing that I'd love for you to take away about prayer in general. Talking to your friend about it is great. And it's really important. It doesn't count as praying about it. Prayer is between you and God. And lament in scripture is addressed directly to God.

The laments are not what David said to his friend. The laments are not what the psalmist said to his friend or to his family member or to his pastor. A lament is a prayer directly addressed to God. Literally, again, the opening of this psalm that we read earlier is declare me innocent. oh God, he's coming straight to God with what's happening.

Lament as an Act of Faith

And this one, which I think is one of the most important, lament is an act of faith. Lament is an act of faith. You see, first we feel, right? We have feelings. I don't know about you. I've said this before. I'll say it a million times because it's the truth. I'm a feelings person. I have big feelings. I experience the full range of emotions at least twice a day. I'm a very big feelings person.

So the first thing that happens, right, is we feel, and we feel this is a psalm, and Jesus prayed it, is my God, my God, why have you forsaken me? And that's the very beginning of a psalm of lament. My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? And we feel that and we might think I shouldn't feel this way. Like I, a believer, and I know that the word of God says that he shall never leave me nor forsake me. So why do I feel forsaken? The fact that I feel forsaken feels like I'm losing my faith.

Lament corrects a false, naive and overly rationalistic view of faith. And the scriptures faith is not simply an intellectual, intellectual assent to some statement about God. It is the trusting of our entire selves to God. I'm sorry, but sometimes you will feel forsaken. Sometimes you will feel lonely. Sometimes you will feel abandoned. Sometimes you will feel like you lack. Sometimes you will feel rejected and heartbroken and confused. Lament is not a failure of faith, but an act of faith.

We cry out directly to God because deep down we know that what we feel is not God. It is acknowledging I feel this way and God, I trust you enough to not let how I feel be my God, even if we don't feel the closeness of God even if we don't feel like he hears us we know that God cares we know that God is always within shouting distance we know that God hears the cries of his people.

The scripture in the scriptures God never says do not fear I will take away all your pain and struggle. Instead, we hear God say, you do not need to fear since I am with you. That exact phrase, God says it from literally the beginning of scripture to the end of scripture is you do not need to fear because I am with you. A few examples is Isaac being frightened of the Philistine king in Genesis 26, 24. He says it to anxious Moses being sent to confront Pharaoh in Exodus 3, 11 through 12. He says it to the disciples when they see Jesus walking on the sea in Matthew 14, 27. You do not need to fear because I'm with you.

Prayer is where we find God in the midst of our pain. And it's where we learn to trust God in our pain. It's where we exercise trust.

The Format of Lament

I'm going to ask the worship team to go ahead and come on up. Yeah, so what today was prayers where we find God in the midst of our pain because what you'll find through these laments I think it's so cool because they all have this format but when the laments were being written there wasn't a scholar telling them how to write a lament it was just someone praying. And they start their prayer. One of my favorite laments, and I almost had them read this scripture instead, but it felt like a little bit intense to start service with, you know. But David says, smash their heads against the rocks.

And as I said, I have big feelings, and sometimes those big feelings are mad feelings. And I'd be praying, smash their head against the rocks. Sometimes it feels right. But it ends. But David ends that exact psalm with search my heart, God and know my innermost intentions and turns things around and faces God and his goodness and it's the same thing in this psalm it starts with deliver me rescue me I'm in pain I feel abandoned I feel forgotten but Lord lead me to your mountain where I'll praise you. You see there's something about when we come to God honestly in prayer that we find him.

I think that there's one surefire way for your prayer to lose all of its power. Be anything less than honest. Be anything less than honest and your prayer falls flat. If we want God to move on our behalf, well, we better be honest about what we want him to move in. Like if there's a safe place in the world for you to be honest, it's in prayer and it's with God and it's the only place you find him.

Now What: Be Honest in Prayer

So prayer is where we find God in the midst of our pain and the way we're going to do that are now what today was be honest in prayer. The core of lament is honesty. It's the decision to be honest in two distinct and equally important ways. One, it's to be honest about your pain. We cannot shy away from the reality of our experience. We have to be honest about the hurt, the anger and the disappointment.

But second, it's to be honest in your praise. We experience pain and God is worthy of your praise. And those are not opposing truths. So we pour out our pain and lament. We pour out our disappointment and lament. And we pour out our praise. God is still good. He is still good to me. He is still good to you. He is really, really, truly, fully good.

So here's my challenge to you this week. Set a part-time, just one time, one day this week, to actually intentionally lament. Maybe you know right now the exact thing you need to bring to God in the form of raw and honest prayer. And the second we started the message, you already knew this is what it is. When Elena was leading us in worship, you already knew what it is that you needed to bring to God.

And maybe you're like, listen, Pastor Lady, I'm fine. Well, for the person right now who has been wrestling with disappointment and pain, I just want you to know that God is waiting for you to bring it to him in prayer. And in prayer, you will find God in the midst of your pain. You will find his heart for you. So come to him and lament.

And for the person who's actually like, well, I'm not suffering right now. My job's been going really good. Life is nice. I got friends. I got all this stuff. It's great. Did you know that lament is also an act of solidarity? You can come to God and lament on behalf of other people. You can come to God and lament on behalf of different circumstances. You can come to God and gain his heart for things that are breaking his heart.

Let me give you some examples of things you can lament for this week if you just feel like your personal life is going great right now. You can come to God and lament on behalf of your brothers and sisters who are people of color who are in pain here in our city. You can come to God and lament for your neighbors who are living below the poverty line in the middle of major housing crisis. You can come to God and lament on behalf of the one in three women who are sexually assaulted on the college campus right there. This week, come to God and lament.

Look through the Psalms if you need help. Pick some Psalms. I do it all the time. And I just like, sometimes you don't have words, right? Like I don't even know how to express what I'm feeling right now. So I'm going to steal what the Psalmist said. I'm going to say, God rescued me from these unjust liars. Sometimes you gotta do it. This week come to God and lament. Look through the Psalms. Use some of the Psalms as a lament model. Or if you struggling with your own words use the Word of God to pray. And take time this week to be honest in prayer, honest in your pain, and honest in your praise.

I'm going to invite you guys to go ahead and stand up on your feet. This week, as I was preparing this message, you know, there's like every once in a while where there's a message that I'm preaching that I'm like, oh, I preach that message because God wanted me to do that for myself right now, right?

So I actually, and I, wrote out all the sermons we're going to do. We were picking who was going to preach what. And I picked this one off the list. I highlighted it. And I was like, I want this one. Like a month ago, I did that. And then as I actually sat down to start writing it, I was like, oh, maybe that's why I was so drawn to it.

Funnily enough, a couple, like maybe two months ago now, Princess and I were sitting in my car, and we were having a conversation about lament and prayer. And I was sharing with her a little bit about my story and like when I first came to Jesus. And I grew up in church, so I prayed before that moment. But I really call this the first time I ever prayed because I think it's the first time I actually fully acknowledged I was talking to God. And I was telling her about it. And she was like, wow, your first prayer was a lament. And I was like, hmm, I never thought about it that way.

The first time that I prayed, I was at the altar, and I was just telling God that I was mad at him. I was just telling God that I felt abandoned, that I felt unseen, and that I needed a healing that I felt like he wasn't willing to give me. and that was the very first time I ever prayed. That was the very first time I felt like God met me. The first time I felt like God was with me was when I was telling him I was in pain and I was thinking about that as I was writing this message because I found myself, you guys got to come to prayer worship on Tuesday nights. I found myself this past Tuesday, I'd already written, I'd picked our scripture for this Sunday, I'd written the so what and the now what and I found myself on Tuesday nights sitting right over there lamenting and thinking back on that moment eight years ago and saying, God, I'm so frustrated that the healing work you started in my life on that day, I'm still dealing with right now.

And I'm so frustrated. And I think the thing about lament, when we're really honest, I think that when we're really honest in lament the really powerful part of it is that it's where we stop being alone even if nobody's with us it's the one place that we have permission prayer is the one place we have permission to come naked, unashamed, deeply loved by God, and therefore unafraid. It is the one place that we can come to God with everything we don't want anybody else to know. And it's in that place that he peels back the layers and shows you where he is.

Earlier in the message, I said that this doesn't end with how God fixes the circumstance. Because I'll be honest, my lament doesn't end with how God made it right. I'm still figuring that part out. And maybe you guys have some of those right now where, okay, I've been praying about this thing and he hasn't made it right yet. But this moment, this week, I want you guys to go home and lament. But this moment, I want it to be a marking moment, a moment where we say, I still trust you.

I still trust you. I haven't seen the prayer answered. I haven't seen the promise fulfilled, but I still trust you. God, I'm lonely. I still trust you. God, I feel rejected. I still trust you. God, you haven't shown up the way you said you'd show up. I still trust you. God let this be a marking moment where you make the decision that what is in your hands that what is in front of you that what you've been wrestling with and walking through make the decision to be marked right now that God is still trustworthy and place your trust in him.

I'm going to read this scripture over us. I'm going to pray for us and the worship team is going to sing a song. And I want this, like I said, to be a moment for you where you say, I'm going to keep following you even though I don't know where you're leading. I'm going to keep following you even though this feels like the harder way to go. I'm going to keep following you because the God before me is trustworthy. Even if my situation feels like all hope is lost, I still trust you.

There I will go to the altar of God, to God the source of all my joy. I will praise you with my heart, oh God, my God. Why am I discouraged? Why is my heart so sad? I will put my hope in God. I will put my hope in God. I will praise him again my savior and my God.

Psalm 43:4-5

Lord we thank you we thank you because you are not far off we thank you because your son came and died on a cross so that the veil could be torn so that all that separated us from you would be removed thank you because you hear the cries of your people thank you because we can come to you with everything. We can come to you in pain. We can come to you in sorrow. We can come to you with disappointment and loneliness and embarrassment and all the things we can come to you and we can come to you with confidence because our God is seated on a throne of grace and that grace is extended to us in every moment.

God, I pray that right now that we might place our trust in you anew. That whatever other things we've put our trust in, whatever people we've trusted to help us walk through this and to take away our sorrow, God, they're great, but they're not you. So God, come and take your rightful place again. Whatever coping mechanisms we've been using instead of dealing with our pain and facing it, they're not you. God, come and be God in our hearts. Come and be God in our thoughts.

Lord, right now, mark us. Let this be a moment that is marked for the rest of our lives as the moment we said, God, I trust you. And let us praise again. Whatever has stolen our joy, stolen our praise, right now we put our hope in you and we praise you again. It's in your holy name I pray.

Amen.