Don't Hit the Rock.

Hey, New Culture. Happy Sunday. I'm so excited that you decided to join us today. For those of you that don't know me, my name is Nermalis, and I'm one of the pastors here at New Culture. If we haven't met before, after service I'll be floating around, so make sure you come grab me. Or you can join us downstairs after service for welcome dinner. It's going to be phenomenal.

This week, I was thinking about one of my friends from college. This friend of mine had a lot of issues in her relationship. She always had something going on between the two of them, and she used to tell me and our other friend all about it. I used to listen, but I honestly never said too much because I didn't know how she would take it. When I told her that you are a lovely person and your relationship is a mess because you're the problem, I just didn't know how she would respond.

It got to the point where her boyfriend came to me because he didn't know what to do. I had to practice the skill and the spiritual discipline that I believe we should all develop called minding my business. I told him, listen, my name is Nermalis. That's between you all. I have nothing to say. The only advice I had to offer him was to flee for his life, but I couldn't tell him that because loyalty is a core value of mine, and that was my friend. But honesty is also a core value of mine, so I couldn't lie. I was just like, I'm sorry, this isn't my business, which is probably the right answer anyway.

One day, I'm sitting in the Buena Vista food court minding my business as I was trying to do, eating my Papa John's and doing homework, when this friend shows up and sits across from me. She was missing the queue of AirPods, so no talking, but she sits across from me and proceeded to tell me the latest episode in this hyperdramatic telenovela. I finally decided that it was past time that I, as a good friend, be honest with her. I waited till the inevitable part of the conversation where she would hit me with "Nermalis, what do I do?" I took a sip of my Coca-Cola and I looked her in the eye and I said, "Friend, you are the problem." The look on her face at that moment was something I'll never forget. That was a very long conversation, and if I'm honest, we didn't stay very close friends too much longer after that.

She could not fathom that she was even contributing to the problem, let alone that she was the culprit. When she was told that she was in fact problematic, as we all are, she couldn't accept that as truth.

Am I the problem?

Today, we're starting a new sermon series called "Am I the Problem?" This sermon series is going to walk through the stories of some pretty well-known people in scripture that are really considered heroes of the faith. However, we're going to be telling you the parts of their stories where they were the issue. Sometimes things are done to us that are out of our control that throw our lives into chaos. But sometimes, actually more often than not, the choices we make throw our lives into chaos.

This is a sermon series where hopefully we can look at our own lives with the humility required to say, I'm the problem. My prayer is truly that we would each be open to the Holy Spirit revealing where we need to be committed to doing better. That we would be receptive to correction from the Holy Spirit and that we would be encouraged to come before God in repentance, confident that his grace is sufficient to help us grow, even when we are what is the problem.

God loves us way too much to leave us in our messiness, and that's the hope of that message. Am I the problem? Yes. Am I stuck this way? No.

The story of Moses

Today, we're going to be looking at one of the multiple times that Moses was the problem. Before we get to the actual scripture, I'm just going to catch you up to where we are at the point that I'm talking about with Moses.

So Moses, we know Moses. But if you don't, I'm going to give you a quick recap. The Israelites had been in Egypt for a long time, and they were very fruitful and blessed people. I mean they were very fertile, reproducing at rates that made the pharaoh nervous. As a solution, being the leader that he was, he enslaved them. In enslaving the Israelites, as this time progressed and they continued to reproduce in large quantities, he proceeded to kill any sons that were born to Israelite women.

Then there's this woman. She has a baby boy, enter our main character. She hides him as long as she can, and when she can't hide him anymore, she puts him in a basket and sends him down a river to hopefully be found by someone who will love and care for him. Moses is raised in the Egyptian court as the son of Pharaoh's daughter. He grows up, gets really angry when he sees an Egyptian mistreating a Hebrew slave, and proceeds to kill that Egyptian. He runs and starts life in Midian, gets married to Zipporah, becomes a shepherd.

God speaks to him through a burning bush and calls him to go back to Egypt and free his people. After some debate on the matter, he goes back to Egypt and does some pretty intense tit-for-tat with the pharaoh, which features ten horrific plagues and concludes with the Israelites being freed. You should read everything that happens in the Pentateuch, the first five books of the Bible. There's a lot of really great stuff in there. But long story short, Moses ends up leading the Israelites through the wilderness on the way to the promised land.

Due to stubbornness made manifest in idol worship, the Israelites are set to wander the wilderness for forty years, and the entirety of that generation will not enter the promised land. However, Moses will. Exodus, Leviticus, and Deuteronomy tell this story. So again, please read your Bible for the full picture.

Moses is the man God chose to use to liberate his people and lead his people to the promised land. Moses is the man that God spoke the Ten Commandments to. Moses is the man that saw the glory of God. Moses is the man that is probably one of the greatest heroes in scripture. In fact, when his sister was gossiping about him and making his life difficult and hurting him, God responded by giving her leprosy and said, "You should have been afraid to speak on the servant of the Lord." God didn't play about Moses. But the people were very hard on Moses. That's when we find ourselves in Numbers 20.

The waters of Meribah

Aaron went from the assembly to the entrance to the tent of meeting and fell face down and the glory of the Lord appeared to them. The Lord said to Moses, "Take the staff and you and your brother Aaron gather the assembly together. Speak to that rock before their eyes and it will pour out its water. You will bring water out of the rock for the community so they and their livestock can drink." So Moses took the staff from the Lord's presence just as he commanded him. He and Aaron gathered the assembly together in front of the rock and Moses said to them, "Listen you rebels, must we bring you water out of this rock?" Then Moses raised his arm and struck the rock twice with his staff. Water gushed out and the community and their livestock drank. But the Lord said to Moses and Aaron, "Because you did not trust in me enough to honor me as holy in the sight of the Israelites, you will not bring this community into the land I give them." These were the waters of Meribah where the Israelites quarreled with the Lord and where he was proved holy among them.

Numbers 20:6-13

I'm going to be honest. This passage breaks my heart. I find this moment in Moses' life and leadership to be heartbreaking because Moses lost his temper and the consequences on his life were devastating. He forfeited entry into the promised land. If we really look at the big picture, I'm willing to bet that most of us would find his behavior justifiable.

The people he was leading had a tendency to be horrible. They questioned him and his leadership at every turn. They got angry at him for freeing them from slavery. They lost patience quickly. They kept turning their back on God. They kept making messes Moses had to clean up. They gossiped constantly. They were fickle and harsh. At this moment, I don't blame Moses for hitting the rock.

Three things that stop us from identifying our problems

There are three things that stop us from being able to identify when we are the problem. The first one is we can justify pretty much any of our behavior. The Israelites were often awful, and Moses had to bear the brunt of that as their leader. But explanations are not justifications. Just because you had a reason doesn't make it okay.

I'm sure Moses thought what he did was justified. These people have not stopped sinning against God and I've been bearing the burden on their behalf. And besides, not too long ago when they complained for water, God had me give them water by hitting a rock. So this time, what's the big deal if I just hit the rock? They're being brats. If they want a show, I'll give them a show. They want me to hit the rock again, I'll hit the rock. And it's justified. But it wasn't.

I could talk myself into or out of anything as a teenager. It's a gift. I probably should have been in trouble more often than I was. I wasn't the best behaved kid, but I rarely got in trouble in school because I could talk myself into and out of anything. I didn't even bother to be sneaky because if I got caught, I just talked my way out of it. I could justify anything I did, and it got me out of trouble a lot. But it doesn't mean that anything I did was okay. It just means I escaped the consequences of it.

We can convince ourselves that our behavior is okay, like it is nobody's business. I don't owe nobody an apology because this is how they behaved and that made it okay for me to behave this way. We can justify anything that we do. And because we tend to justify our behavior, we can't identify that we're the problem.

The second way that we can't identify that we're the problem is we don't have a community of accountability. We don't have people in our inner circle who have access to our mess and we haven't given them permission to speak into our mess. Or the people who have that access to us aren't people of wisdom and discernment who can actually discern through the Holy Spirit how to help guide us.

We need people in our close inner circle who can hold us accountable. When you look through Moses' story, someone you'll see present is his father-in-law. That's someone who does call him out on things, call him higher, and give him instruction and advice. But at this point in his life, without his father-in-law's presence, as far as we can see in scripture, there wasn't anyone else who could hold him accountable and could point out to Moses that anger was a pattern in his life.

The third way that we miss that we're the problem is we don't slow down long enough to reflect. We don't typically reflect until we experience the consequences of our behavior that force us to reflect. This is why in our rule of life we teach practices like examine and prayer practices like silence and solitude. We need to have regular rhythms of reflection.

But we move at a toxic pace that doesn't permit for us to have the time necessary to reflect. And if we're honest, we don't want to reflect because we don't want to see what's there. We don't create space or the opportunity for the Holy Spirit to highlight areas where we didn't do well and where we need to do better. We feel shame instead of understanding that reflection is an opportunity to experience God's grace.

Scripture tells us in First John that even though our hearts condemn us, Jesus is greater than our hearts. But we cannot experience that if we don't slow down long enough to feel that conviction. And the last way that we miss that we're the problem, and it really all boils down to this, is pride. We just aren't teachable. We don't take being corrected well.

All of the reasons boil down to this: pride blinds us from having accurate Christ-like perspective on others, on the circumstance at hand, and ourselves. Pride will cause us to assume the worst of others, meaning we always view them as the problem. Pride will cause us to either blow circumstances out of proportion or minimize them, meaning it never gets dealt with in a holy and honoring way. And pride will cause us to justify our own behavior, avoid a community of accountability, and view ourselves as never being the problem.

A pattern of anger

As we take a close look at the life of Moses, you discover he had a problem controlling his anger all throughout his life. Lashing out in anger was a pattern in Moses' life. It wasn't an isolated event. It was a habit. In Exodus 2, scripture tells us that in his anger, he killed an Egyptian. In Exodus 32, Moses sees the golden calf that the children of Israel had made for worship. And in his anger, Moses throws down the tablets of stone, breaking the Ten Commandments that God had made.

In Numbers 20, Moses filled with anger disobeys God, and the result was that God would not let Moses enter into the promised land. And maybe you're sitting here today and you're like, yeah, I don't do that. This doesn't apply. Maybe the anger isn't a problem for me. I don't lash out. I don't kill people. I don't smash things. This message is for somebody else.

But let me ask you this. Do you find yourself upset at the person instead of the offense they committed? Do offenses from the past cycle to the front of your mind often? Maybe you don't lash out, but do you cut people off before pausing to reflect on the situation? Are you easily annoyed? Irritated is just a different kind of mad. Do you find that you never get stereotypically angry, but things just annoy you all the time? You may struggle with anger.

As I was writing this message, I pulled on years of work in my own life. Anger for me has been a very real issue. If I'm honest, I have horror stories of how genuine rage manifested in my life. I'm talking I can't see straight, I can't think straight, whole body shaking anger. It characterized my life, it shaped my perspective, and it defined the world around me. Its impact on how I engage with life is something I'm still unlearning, and that I am constantly inviting the Holy Spirit into.

I think my experience with anger is why this passage breaks my heart, because I've hit the rock. While my history with anger is something I am not proud of. In fact, it's something that I still combat a deep sense of shame about. I'm truly excited to share with you on this topic because it's an area in my life where I can clearly see God be glorified. It's an area of my life that I can see the sanctifying work of Christ. But in the same way that I can see the sanctifying work, that process that makes us holy, I can see the healing and the freeing work of Christ.

So am I the problem? Well, when it comes to anger, yes, I have definitely been the problem. Am I stuck this way? I know as a matter of fact, I'm not.

Listen, you rebels. That's how Moses opens his address to the people. And the thing is, he was right. They were rebels. He wasn't tripping. He was right. He proceeds to ask them, "Must we bring water out of this rock?" He says, "Must we?"

The first time he brings water out of the rock, his words are different. He says, "Why do you put the Lord to the test?" But this time, pride has slipped in. This time he can see clearly that the Israelites are sinning against God, not against him. This time it's all about him and what he can do. This time it's not about the Lord providing water for the people and proving himself holy. Now it's about Moses lashing out and proving himself to the people.

I want to break down anger a little bit and how it works. When we think of anger, we jump to how anger manifests. We jump to the fit or the yelling or whatever it is that we think of. But I want to talk about where anger comes from.

The first thing we need to understand about anger is that it's not bad. It's an emotion, and our emotions are holy and to be honored. There are two types of anger I want to talk about today. The first is what we would call righteous anger. Righteous anger happens when our hearts are aligned with what grieves the heart of God.

This is the anger you should experience in the face of sin, injustice, abuse, and all things contrary to God. This is an anger that we should be experiencing. I will go so far as to say that if you don't ever experience righteous anger, you should pray about that. If you've become so numb, passive, and apathetic to that which grieves God's heart, that you don't know what it is to be angry at that which grieves his heart, I would challenge you to ask God to give you his heart.

Here are some examples of things that should inspire righteous anger: racism. You should be undone in the face of racism. Human trafficking. Livid. Domestic violence. God is mad. We should be mad. Sexism. In biblical terms, the mistreated widow, orphan, and foreigner. These things should inspire righteous anger.

However, righteous anger does not lead to lashing out or sinful behavior. Righteous anger inspired by the Holy Spirit leads to prayer, increased compassion, and the active pursuit of wrongs being made right. The anger that we're talking about today that we see made manifest in Moses' life is what I call anger the symptom.

Anger is never an isolated emotion. Anger is always the very loud symptom that drowns out the root issue. Ephesians 4:26 tells us, "In your anger, do not sin," which suggests that the emotion itself is not a sin. It's the behavior that manifests out of it, that is. But the thing about anger is that it's never an isolated emotion.

When this anger is left unchecked, it will give way to bitterness. And bitterness is a poison that kills everything, including you. Understanding your anger as being a symptom of something deeper is the first step to being free from its grip.

So what are some things that anger is a symptom of? The first one I want to talk about is anger is a symptom of hurt. Thanksgiving 2019, I was home for Thanksgiving and it was just me and my parents that year. I was writing a paper that I procrastinated and was due at midnight. I'm going through, trying to get this paper done. I run out the front door because I have one citation left that I need to put in and I'm good to go. I go to my car to get this book and I'm closing the door behind me and my finger gets slammed in the steel front door of my parents' house and turns black immediately.

I let out one really big scream and then just silence. I stood there with my hand in a fist, completely silent. I hear my parents get up and come out to the front door to see what happened. My dad starts talking to me. I'm in so much pain. I was in so much pain. And he starts talking to me. He's like, "Nermalis, let me look at it. Let me look at it."

I've been getting my nails done since I was fifteen years old. And before that, I used to do nails. I used to do my family's nails. I just love having my nails done. Do you know what this man who has known me my whole life told me in that moment? "Oh, your fingernail's going to fall off. And I don't know if it's going to grow back."

I don't know if I've ever been so angry at my dad in my life. I was in pain, which already was making me mad. So at that point, it didn't matter what he said. His breathing was on my nerves. Everything was upsetting me. He was like, "Do you want to go to the hospital?" Because we thought I broke my finger because it was disgusting. I kind of considered showing you a picture, but that didn't feel right. It was really bad.

He's like, "Do you want to go to the hospital?" I was like, "No, I want you to go to my car, get my textbook. I'm doing this citation." I was so done. I didn't want him to say nothing. I just wanted him to follow orders. I was so angry.

We got to the hospital and they were like, "We need to drill little holes in your fingernail so that we can let the blood out because it's trapped under your nail." My dad was like, "Do you want me to come with you?" I was like, "Absolutely not. Leave me alone." Everything he did made me mad because I was in pain. And this is so true of us when we get our feelings hurt.

Everything makes us mad because we are in pain. And I'm sorry, but in this moment, Moses is angry because the people he has dedicated his life to loving and serving are continuing to hurt him. It's not as simple as they're being stubborn and they've earned this. Moses has been doing this for a while and this hurts. When we experience anger, it matters that we pause and ask ourselves, am I hurting right now?

Because if I'm hurting right now, I don't need to react. I need to heal. The second thing that anger is a symptom of is insecurity. When someone or something is exemplifying your insecurities, anger comes in in an effort to shield you. That anger comes in to try to hide that insecurity from the world around you and protect you from feeling exposed.

When we experience anger as a result of one of our insecurities being exposed, we need to pause. If I'm insecure right now, I don't need to react. I need to ground myself and my identity in Christ. And anger is also a symptom of a threatened ego or pride. Pride and ego will make you defensive. And anger will rear its head as a way for you to assert yourself in a position where you can't be made low.

If you're mad because of your pride or bruised ego, you don't need to react. You need to repent. And the one I want to focus on today: anger is a symptom of a lack of trust in God.

Anger is a symptom of a lack of trust in God. Scripture says, "But the Lord said to Moses and Aaron, 'Because you did not trust in me enough to honor me as holy in the sight of the Israelites, you will not bring this community into the land I give them.'"

Something I find so revealing about God's response to Moses in this moment is he doesn't pay any mind to the outburst. He doesn't address Moses's behavior or action at all. He doesn't say, "Because you lost your temper." He doesn't say, "Because you didn't control your anger." He doesn't even say, "Because you disobeyed me." He says, "Because you did not trust me."

We use our anger to protect ourselves. We use anger as a defense when our feelings have been hurt, when our insecurities have been exposed, and when our pride feels threatened. Anger comes in like our mighty defender. What if we use our anger to defend us because we don't trust that God will? What if we use our anger to try to make things right because we don't trust that God will?

What if we use our anger to control situations and people because we don't trust God to work things out for us? What if your issue with anger is actually a symptom revealing that you're not trusting God? Because you did not trust in me, you acted out of your anger instead of living out of confidence in me. And now these are the consequences of that.

Nermalis, our anger means something bigger is going on. But what do I actually do when I feel that anger? Here are a few things I've learned over the years through scripture, experience, wise counsel, podcasts, books, and therapy.

The first thing is this. You need to name it. Name it. This is the only way to know the root of your anger. And you cannot fix an issue that you cannot identify. You have to be able to name it. I am angry. Prior to starting my relationship with Christ, I am angry was fine. I was angry all the time and I wanted you to know that I was angry. In fact, I needed you to know that I was angry.

But then when I started following Jesus and the anger didn't just immediately go away, I felt shame for that anger. And so I couldn't call it that and I couldn't identify that that's what I was feeling because I felt bad. I'm not supposed to be angry. We need to be able to identify what's going on. I am angry, and then I am angry because I am feeling blank. This is the pause. It's important we have to stop.

We need to be able to stop on our tracks when we feel that anger before we react. Stop and name: right now I'm angry. I need to step away and I need to give myself the space to say why am I angry? I'm angry because you hurt my feelings. I'm angry because the thing you're talking about is actually an insecurity of mine and it's making me upset that we're talking about something that makes me insecure. I'm angry because my ego is bruised right now and you're humbling me in a way I don't want to be humbled.

We need to be able to identify what we're feeling and why we're feeling it. We have to name it.

Two, we need to address it. We need to address it. Naming the issue is not enough. I think the number one place that this is really obviously made manifest is in poor conflict resolution, where we have a conversation, say our feelings, and make no steps towards a resolution to our feelings. I said the things, so conflict resolved, but no resolution. We need to actually address the things that we're experiencing and feeling. We need to actually figure out what's going on and find something to do about it.

You need to address the root of what has brought out the anger. Is it hurt? Seek healing. Is it insecurity? Secure my identity in Christ. Is it pride? Repent. Seek Jesus and his response to your feelings. Our feelings are holy. I'm a big feelings person, and that's okay. These feelings are holy and they're to be honored. And Jesus wants to engage with you in that place.

There's a place for your anger and Jesus wants to engage with you in that. That anger is like an alarm system going off. Jesus wants to heal the thing that's hurting you. Seek him for wisdom in that. If addressing the issue or whatever caused that anger includes addressing a person and having some level of conflict, here's my tool specifically when I'm angry for doing this. It's called the 24-7 rule. I use this as a way for me to trust myself because I have to know myself, and when I'm angry in the moment, I'm no good for a healthy conversation.

So the 24-7 rule is this: 24 hours. I have to give myself at least 24 hours to cool down. I'm not having a conversation with you when I'm on the verge of yelling at you. Not wise. There's a lack of wisdom there. At least 24 hours to process my feelings, cool down, ask myself, why am I angry? What do I actually have to say? And seven is days. I address it within seven days because we can't be avoidant of conflict conversations. We need to have it in a timely manner in order to respect ourselves, the situation, and the person we're engaging with. Give myself the time to deal with it and then actually deal with it.

And the third thing is this: it's release it. We have to walk in a posture of surrender when it comes to anger. You cannot stay here and you do not have to. Walking in the freedom Christ has given you includes choosing to surrender. I think one of the things that has been so helpful for me when it comes to anger and that release part is reminding myself that he who the Son has set free is free indeed.

I am not bound by anger. Is anger an issue? Yep. Do I have to be obedient to anger? No.

We are not bound by anger

And my encouragement for you today is this: no, Moses didn't enter the promised land. But Moses' story also didn't end at that moment. He didn't stop having a relationship with God. God did not forsake him or leave him. Were there consequences? Yes. Is Moses still a hero in our faith and marked throughout scripture? Yes. He continued in relationship with God. He continued to lead.

He gave birth to more leaders and produced more good fruit. We are not bound by anger. We get to choose to surrender over and over and over again. And we have the good news of the gospel. We get to see Jesus play out all through scripture. Moses is not the only person who dealt with anger. We see Peter later literally slicing people's ears off like he had no sense. Anger is a part of our lives and we see Jesus redeem it over and over again. And that is our great hope.

It doesn't take work. Actually, it does take work. It takes real work. But man, God frees us from that. You are not bound. You do not have to be obedient to anger. I'm going to ask Elena to come up and play some really pretty keys as we go into a time of reflection and worship.

I just have a few reflection questions that I want us to look at during this time and ask ourselves. The first one is: is anger a problem in my life? To truly stop and reflect and say, is anger a problem? And if it is, to stop and say, where is the root of my anger? Is it hurt? Is it that insecurity? If it's that whole thing where you're just annoyed, just slightly annoyed all the time, what is it? What's the root of my anger?

Then I want you to invite the Holy Spirit to give you strategy to address it. We can only overcome by the blood of the Lamb. We can only overcome with the help of Jesus. The Holy Spirit gives us the wisdom and the power to enable us to overcome. So invite the Holy Spirit and ask for strategy. And finally, just take a moment to surrender. As simple as just saying: God, I give you this situation that has inspired this anger. God, I give you my anger. Lord, I trust that you can defend me better than I can. I trust that you can protect my heart better than I can. I trust that you can work this situation out for my good better than I can. Because you are my holy and almighty defender, and it's a lot better than my anger.

Jesus, we thank you because your blood on the cross bought us freedom from all sorts of sin and shame. It brought us freedom from having to be obedient to our anger and having to be bound by that. Lord, I pray that right now, where there might be shame creeping in, that you would just remind our hearts that you are so much greater than condemnation. That you would draw near and help us to see this as an opportunity to be more like you, to see your glory, and to experience your grace.

Holy Spirit, we welcome you to come and give divine strategy for how to grow and change and shift and become more like you. And Lord, that you'd be honored and glorified in our lives. Lord, I thank you for the healing work, the freeing work, and the sanctifying work of your cross, and the power to walk in freedom from anger. In your holy name I pray. Amen.